chapter thirty-nine

As I stand here, with the blood of my rapist staining my hands, I felt a mixture of relief and dread wash over me. The weight of what I’d just done was heavy on my shoulders, but the release of his final breath brought a sense of closure I never thought I’d feel. I couldn’t help but think about how far I’d come since that night in the alleyway and how much I’d changed.

Orpheus and Hadrian took me upstairs, and as they led me into the kitchen, I noticed a cup of hot tea sitting on the counter. “Here, drink this,” Orpheus says, handing it to me with a gentle smile. I took a sip, feeling the warmth spread through my body, trying to chase away the chill that settled deep within my bones.

“Where have you been?!” I demand, my voice sharp with concern and anger. Despite his rough appearance, I couldn’t help but feel betrayed by Hadrian’s absence. He left me there, tied to my bed, and if I hadn’t taken control of the situation by calling Orpheus, I still would be bound, probably dead from dehydration.

Hadrian looked at me, his eyes filled with sorrow and regret. “I was captured,” he admitted. “By a man the mafia used in the past to torture and get rid of their enemies.”

I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was amiss. “Saul?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

Hadrian nodded, his eyes never leaving mine. “He mentioned you,” he said, his voice filled with a mix of curiosity and concern. “How do you know him?”

I took a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves. “He helped me through my darkest parts,” I confessed, the words tasting bitter on my tongue. “When I was all alone, he found me and picked up the pieces. He practically saved my life.”

Orpheus stepped forward, his eyes filled with guilt and apology. “I’m sorry,” he says, his voice laced with regret. “When I saved Hadrian, I had to kill Saul to escape.”

I looked at Orpheus, my heart heavy with the weight of his words. “Did you have to?” I asked in a strained voice.

Orpheus nodded, his eyes filled with sorrow. “It was the only way,” he said. “I had to protect us both.”

I took a deep breath, trying to process the information. “And you never told me?”

Orpheus’s eyes filled with remorse. “I didn’t want to burden you.” He gulped. “But now, I see I should have.”

I turn my attention to Hadrian, my heart heavy with the weight of his story. “What happened to you?”

Hadrian lifts his head, his eyes filled with sorrow. “He tortured me,” he whispered.

I felt my heart race at his words, and without thinking, I pulled a knife from the block on the counter and threw it at Orpheus. It landed where his heart would have resided if it wasn’t for the fact he had already taken it out of his body years ago to protect himself from death.

Orpheus got the message loud and clear, and he ran away, leaving me alone with Hadrian.

I stood there. My breath came in short, sharp gasps as I processed the information. The room felt suddenly smaller, more claustrophobic as if the walls were closing in on me. I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard, and I couldn’t help but feel a mix of anger, betrayal, and fear. A tear slid down my cheek, and others were quick to follow.

Saul had been like a father to me, and now he was gone. I would never be able to repay him for all he had done for me.

My heart ached with the weight of his loss, and I couldn’t help but feel a sense of guilt for not being able to protect him. He had been so kind to me, always looking out for my well-being, and now he was gone.

Orpheus…

Rage burnt like a wildfire within me.

I clenched my fists, the knuckles turning white with the force of my grip. I wanted to hunt down Orpheus while, in the same breath, asking him if he was okay. With a heavy heart, I wiped away my tears and took a deep breath, trying to steady my shaking hands.

I would never be able to forgive myself for what had happened.

I would never be able to forget the pain in Orpheus’s eyes as he walked away.

I would never be able to get over the loss of the two men I loved.

Hadrian held me close, his strong arms wrapping around my trembling form as he gently stroked my hair. His touch was comforting, but the weight of the situation pressed down on me, making it difficult to find comfort in his embrace.

“I didn’t mean for any of this to happen,” he whispered softly, his voice a mix of regret and compassion. “But we’ll get through this together.”

I leaned into him, my tears soaked into his shirt as I tried to find the strength to believe him. The world felt like it was crumbling around me, and I was not sure how I’d ever make it through. But as I looked into his eyes, I saw a glimmer of hope—a promise that we could face whatever came our way. Now, I just had to believe it.