chapter five

It didn’t take long for me to fill Saul in on what had happened to me moments ago and last week. The fury on his face would have comforted me, but the numbness inside of me took over after my emotions ran high earlier. So, after filling him in, he told me to come back tomorrow after I got some rest and fed both myself and Samwise. Since he was kind enough to give me a sandwich, I knew that would be easy.

Water fell incessantly against the muscles of my back, soaking my hair and cascading around my shoulders as I looked down at my feet that were immersed in the water of the tub. The heat was scolding, but it felt glorious. The scorching heat of the water soothed both the aches from the week prior and the new ones that arose yesterday. It went beyond that. It released the tightness I was holding on from both traumas.

Thinking about the knife yesterday, plunging into the man’s skin through his shirt like butter, felt good. Finally dishing back hurt after being hurt felt good. The power I regained as I took control was exhilarating. Stopping the assault with my own hands and turning his weapon against him. The feeling was more than euphoric, especially since I was the one to save myself. The feeling was not only delicious but intoxicatingly addicting.

A dark tendril of desire shivered my back and made me lick my lip, biting it slightly when my tongue went back into my mouth. A deep cackle that came from my depths bubbled out of me, and I did nothing to stop it. Licking my bottom lip again, I closed my eyes and tilted my head back so the water would fall onto my face from behind. It felt good against my clammy skin. My hair rushed with the water down my back, clinging to my skin, making it feel heavy on my scalp.

As I brought my head back forward, I could feel the water running colder against my skin, signaling that my hot water escape was nearing its end.

Taking his life yesterday was an intoxicating experience, and I could sense a subtle shift within myself. Welcoming this change wasn’t scary at all. It felt as if I was entering an unfamiliar era, one that was filled with novelty and uncertainty, exactly what I craved at that moment.

I was not the same woman as last week, with my biggest concern being money and my grades as I tried to reach for my dreams. Hell, I wasn’t even the same woman I was twelve hours ago before my second assault and taking my first life.

 First life?

The dark tendril of desire shivered my back again when I realized how right that sentence was. Yes, first life. I know with everything within me, there will be more. I didn’t think I could live with myself without feeling that again.

But I had to be smart. I mean, I didn’t give a flying fuck if I got caught. Samwise was a beautiful dog, beautiful inside and out. He would be just fine without me. I could also give him to Saul. I was sure Saul would love to take him in.

No, I didn’t care if I got caught by the police. I didn’t care if this new obsession of mine killed me instead. But I didn’t want to just take one more life. I wanted to take many. Maybe I’d do the world a service and take out all these fucking assholes that think they could take a woman without their consent. Take away some of these perverted creeps who believed that women were just objects for them to blow their load on. Because it wasn’t just a life I wanted to take, no, I wanted to take specific ones.

Predators.

I wanted to be the fucking black widow to their flies. Killing each mate that came within my web. Men were weak creatures, weak to their desires and weak to women. The #MeToo movement really highlighted that aspect of our society. Knowing 97% of women have felt some kind of sexual assault? I wanted to bring that number down.

I vowed never to let a man harm me the way they already had. I didn’t mind playing the victim, and I didn’t mind making them think they were more powerful than I was. No, I was much more powerful than they were. I would prove it, too. Watch me.

When I arrived at Saul’s store, it had a large closed sign on its window. Without hesitation, I knocked, and it only took him a few seconds before he came out of the back and opened it for me.

“Come on, I wanna show you something,” he grumbled, not even waiting for my response before turning around and leading me back to where he came from behind the counter.

Before following him, I locked the door behind me to ensure no stragglers came in while we were distracted, then followed him into the back and the freezer. Clear plastic covered the floor and had the corpse of the man who attacked me yesterday lying naked on a surgical-like metal table. His clothes were placed in a blue plastic tub next to the table filled with a liquid I could only assume was an acid by the way it bubbled.

His hair was ashy and dirty, stained with his own blood. His face, now lax, was full of wrinkles, telling me that he was at least middle-aged or obviously took atrocious care of his own health. His body was lean, with a hint of stubble on his chin. However, as I observed his biceps, I could tell they were more for show than actual strength. It was fortunate for me that they didn’t aid him in our encounter yesterday.

I didn’t look further down his body. Not because he disgusted me but because I felt rather detached, and he appeared more like an animal or a bag of meat rather than a person. Never mind a person I killed. The euphoric feeling of killing him obviously did not stay after I saw the damage with my own eyes. I couldn’t care less. I think it was the act of doing it, becoming a predator to a predator, that was so enticing.

Yeah, that sounds delicious.

I could feel my lip curl slightly, but I smoothed it before Saul could see. I didn’t want to alert him to me being more fucked up than what he already probably guessed. Saul turned to look at me almost cautiously like he didn’t want me to break. But I would not break.

His lip turned up, and he gave me a nod of approval like I had passed a test. Or rather, he was proud that I didn’t fall apart at the sight of my attacker.

“I wanted to show you me dismembering him to guarantee that I am taking care of it.” His gruff voice spoke up as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other, which was the only indication that he was uncomfortable with the situation. “I felt you might wanna help.”

I nodded immediately. I did want to help. But not for the reason he might think I want to.

“How do you know how to do this?”

He looked down slightly at the floor before turning his gaze back at me, almost as if he was trying to gauge how much he wanted to tell me, if anything at all.

“This isn’t my first rodeo.”

Fair enough.

I gave him a nod before strolling up to the corpse. He took the table saw that was neatly tucked in the corner. It looked used but well taken care of.

“We can’t put his entire body in the acid the way it is. I ain’t got a tub that will fit his entire body. So we’re gonna have to do it in batches. If I had more pigs out there, I would’ve thrown his body to them. It would’ve gotten rid of everything for us and made my pigs happy fuckers. But I ain’t got enough of them for that to work. So this will have to do.”

Pigs? That’s some mafia-level bullshit right there. Who the fuck was Saul? If I gave more of a fuck about my life, I probably would be more scared right now, being in his presence with the situation that we currently were in. Because I knew things, and I was a liability. Even though he had dirt on me, sometimes, regardless of leverage, the secrets you knew of someone were too much for them to bear. I just hoped that this was not one for Saul.

“Stand back. It’s gonna get bloody.”