Chapter 20

When we entered the cemetery, my entire stomach was twisted in tight knots. Despite the heaviness in my chest, the cemetery was very still. Before Silas could walk any further, I placed my hand against his chest to stop him in his tracks. He looked at me questioningly, and I swallowed past the lump in my throat.

“We have to give our entrance token to the guardian,” I said, pulling my hands from my pockets and holding onto the handful of coins. Every cemetery had a guardian, someone or something who would guard the land and souls who rested there. They gave warmth and comfort to those who were experiencing loss. They also punished those who came with nefarious intentions, such as using the soil of a particular person for selfish or gross means.

The guardian may not actually use the coins but they like to provide the coins to those who need them to reach their designated afterlife. Coming from poverty, I knew too many souls here probably needed the coins, and if all their debt to the psychopomps were already paid by previous offerings, I knew mine would be given to future souls in need.

To the left of the entrance, there was an already overfilled offering bowl. I delicately placed my coins in there and took a deep breath before returning to Silas. Shakily, I weaved our fingers together and held them tightly. I bowed my head and merged my energy with the energy of the soil under my feet, trying to trickle my energy into the ground to offer it to the guardian while focusing on my intent to be here.

“That’s alright, puppet. I will walk you to where you need to be.” A deep timber voice cooed.

The immediate warmth of a weight on my shoulders had tears instantly spill over. Sure, the comfort was very much needed, but the acceptance for being here was what really struck me. The realization of why that was so important hurt. I was a little afraid – okay, massively afraid – of being rejected from the final resting place of my mom because I killed him. I didn’t know what I would have done if I had been rejected from entering. But feeling the guardian guiding me down the dirt path, each step lifted the weight on my chest slightly. However, along with each step, it felt more and more like I was walking in a dream. Reality was starting to merge with my daydreams, making things look too bright and wrong.

“Do you know where we are going, Mara?” Silas asked softly, almost like he was afraid of saying anything but wanted to take care of me regardless. His almost constant desire to provide was the most endearing thing I’d ever experienced. It’s nice to feel wanted in the light.

“The Guardian is here. Can’t you feel their energy?” I asked, still staring ahead.

Silas was quiet for a moment as we were led down a dirt path to our left, passing a tree that looked like it had been here for centuries. A young squirrel squeaked at us when it noticed our presence before scurrying into a nook in the trunk.

“That is amazing. Are you able to feel energies like this instinctively, or did you practice?” Silas asked. The excitement in his voice made me smile.

“At first, it was instinct, but right now, I can hear and feel them. They are draping an arm on my shoulders.” I said.

“Oh! You can hear me too, puppet? This is a treat.” The Guardian said.

“This isn’t something you experience often?” I asked, finally looking over at them. Their skin was pale, making their bright red hair stand out even more. Their bright green eyes captivated me, drawing me into their depths, radiating power and knowledge. You can tell by the eyes alone they have seen and done far too much in their life. They shot me a grin that showed way too much teeth.

“You can see me too! This is definitely a new experience. Before you, the most anyone has ever done was just feel my presence. You are a treat, love.” They said, rubbing their face against the side of mine. I was unable to stop myself from leaning into the bizarre feline gesture. I could feel Silas’ eyes on me, and if the fog wasn’t trespassing into every one of my thoughts, I probably would be more embarrassed. But I’m not.

“We are almost there, love.” The Guardian said. “Just at the end of this plot here.”

I couldn’t see her name at the angle we were walking but at the bottom of my heart did I recognize the tombstone even though I’ve never seen it in person.

“I need to guide another visitor, love, but reach out to me if you need my assistance.” The Guardian said as we stopped in front of the grave. I gave a shallow nod and the Guardian gave me a squeeze before letting go. Once they did, it felt like all of my strength left with them and my knees buckled.

Penelope Thompson nee Morgan

Mother. Daughter. Wife.

“This Mother’s love lives on in the life of her daughter.”

I felt Silas moving behind me before taking me into his lap so he could hold me tightly to him. I didn’t even realize I was crying until he started to wipe them with the cloth tissue he must have stuck in his pocket before we left.

“If this gets too much, we can come back tomorrow, sweetheart.” Silas mumbled in my hair.

I shook my head, “no, I need this. I need to know if she is still here on this plane. I need answers.”

“Then forgive me if I hold you the whole time,” Silas said, his grip tightening around my midsection as he rested his chin on the top of my head. I rested my hand on his briefly before fishing my mom’s hair tie from my pocket. It was a silk ribbon she had gotten as a kid from her grandma, my great-grandma. I had grabbed it before going to the hospital, needing something of hers. It was one of my mom’s prized possessions, and it was the perfect thing to help me look for her energy.

Grounding myself in Silas’s arms, I envisioned myself anchoring to the soil beneath us. This would be my tether to the physical plane. Reaching in front of me, I grabbed a handful of the soft, newly turned soil, another homing beacon to my mom. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and fell into the darkness.

The first thing I noticed in the pitch black was a dirt road, not unlike the same path I most recently walked. However, I could only see the path just an arm’s length in front of me. When the air moved around me, I realized I was walking through fog, not pitch blackness. There was just no natural light to shine through.

“She isn’t here.” A voice sounded, I twisted around me because I couldn’t tell in which direction it came from.

“She isn’t here.” It repeated, this time directly in front of me. My eyes shot in front of me as a body started to come into focus as they stepped through the fog.