Chapter 29

“Are you sure you want to do this tonight?”

As I stepped out of the steam-filled bathroom, the scent of lavender and sage lingering on my skin from the purifying shower, Amber stood before me, her hands cradling a simple wooden box. The supplies within were more than mere objects; they were the keys to my liberation. Wrapped in the soft folds of an all-white robe, I felt a sense of clarity, the fabric a blank canvas for the transformation to come.

Silas and I were supposed to be heading to a hotel for my heat tonight, which should be coming in the next few days if my pre-heat symptoms were any indicator. However, I knew if I didn’t do this ritual now, I wouldn’t be able to do it until after the school year started, and to be honest, I didn’t want the binding on me a second longer, never mind at least two weeks longer. So, Silas moved the check-in date to tomorrow. We missed out on the king-size bed because of the change, but in all honesty, we probably didn’t need one anyway.

I nodded.

Amber sighed, handing me the box. “Do you remember how to cast the circle?”

“Yeah,” I said, holding back the snark I had ready at the tip of my tongue. The circle I decided on casting was simple but called on more than the usual circle would. This one called upon the four primary elements for protection and then brought forth the dark to break the binding. I knew she didn’t mean to make a dig at me. She was just as nervous as I was.

There was a hollowness to Amber’s gaze that hadn’t been there before, a weariness that seemed to weigh down her eyelids and paint dark semicircles beneath them. Gone was the luminous sheen that usually adorned her skin, replaced by a sallow tone. The fabric of her shirt, though free of blemishes, was creased and rumpled, clinging to her in a way that suggested a lack of care. And her hands, those appendages that had always moved with such purpose, were now tucked away, as though the air itself was too heavy for them to navigate.

I felt more determined than lost, but the feeling of not knowing what the fuck I was doing was very much present. I mean, I knew the ritual like the back of my hand. I knew the words to say, the symbols to draw, and what I should be feeling, but knowing what I was doing outside of the details?

I shoved the doubt to the corner of my head. I couldn’t afford to be doubtful right now. I needed to go into that room and get my answers before something changed, like my energy levels or nerves.

“Thank you,” I said, breaking the awkward silence and turning my body slightly in the direction of the door.

Amber closed her eyes for longer than a blink as she nodded. “Of course, hun. If you don’t need anything else, I am going to be in the living room, waiting.”

I smiled and nodded in response. I waited until she turned away and started to walk in the direction of the room in question before turning to stare at the closed door. I leaned the box right up against the wall next to the door so I could balance its weight that way only one arm was needed to hold it as I used my free hand to open the door. When the latch gave way, the door creaked open, revealing a dark and empty room.

The moonlight was streaming in and happened to illuminate the middle of the room, exactly where I needed to set up the circle. I decided to do this ritual at midnight, when the darkness was most active. It wasn’t a full moon or in the days leading up to it, but it was after the new moon, so the moon is ramping up to a full moon regardless. The full moon energy would have been perfect for an unbinding since it was the time of the month you needed to let go of things that no longer served us. But it should be close enough to give some of that desired energy. I didn’t need it to break the binding, but it certainly helped.

I closed the door behind me and placed the box to the side, making sure to grab the long taper candles that Amber collected for me, one for each element along with a single black one, so I could put them at each corner of the circle to show if the element was present. The single black one will be in front of me during the ritual so I can interact with the darkness.

I looked at the chalk in the box, debating whether I should draw the physical circle before deciding against it. Physical representations of the circle were only needed if you couldn’t visualize the magic staying there during the ritual. Once I set up the candles in their corresponding direction: air for the east, earth for the north, water for the west, and fire for the south, I then took my time to write their symbols along with the symbol of the dark behind the symbol of the air since I will be starting and ending there. I placed the remaining items and myself in the space between the candles, ensuring not to rub any symbols away.

Before I lost my nerve, I shed the robe and closed my eyes. I imagined my crown opening up to receive any information during the ritual as well as imagining my feet growing a root system to sink into the ground and mingle with the energy the earth naturally provided. The second I felt my energy ground and tether itself, the calmness brought from the earth’s energy washed over me letting me know I was ready to begin.

I picked up the white ribbon at my feet and faced the East.

“I call forth, Air, may you protect and guide me.”

A brief breeze moved my hair slightly, taking the ribbon from my hand. It settled over the yellow candle as the candle lit itself, letting me know Air has accepted the gift of ribbon. Air will be present to help protect and guide me.

Feeling slightly more relaxed after the acceptance, I reached down to pick up the garnet crystal and then moved counterclockwise to face North.

“I call forth, Earth, may you protect and guide me.”

The crystal fell from my hand and rolled slightly to rest in front of the green candle. When the crystal stopped moving on the symbol of Earth, the green candle lit itself, letting me know that the Earth had accepted my offering and would be present to protect and guide me.

I then picked up the compact mirror, opened it so the reflection was pointed to the ceiling, and turned counterclockwise to face West.

“I call forth, Water, may you protect and guide me.”

The motion wasn’t as quick as the previous two elements. I was about to chalk it up as a no-show and was about to place the mirror down when the reflection of myself caught my attention. I was staring at myself, but it wasn’t myself because I don’t grin like that; in fact, my face was pretty expressionless right now in my concentration. The mirror-me also sported indigo eyes rather than the lighter blue I was used to. It nodded to me, and I took it as my offering was accepted. I placed the mirror side facing me in front of the candle directly on top of the symbol for water. The moment I did, the blue candle lit, letting me know Water had accepted the offering and would stay to protect and guide.

I picked up the last element offering: a flameproof dish with dragon’s blood incense piled neatly in the middle on top of charcoal tablets, then surrounded by charcoal powder to contain any large flame. I then turned clockwise to face South.

“I call forth, Fire, may you protect and guide me.”

I didn’t even finish the last word before the incense burned high and hot, burning my hand, and the heat pinked my face. Hissing, I quickly placed the plate on top of the symbol of fire, hoping not to get further burned. When I did, the flame danced again, lighting the red candle and confirming the acceptance of the offering and the promise to remain.

I slowly sat in the space between the elements, feeling both alive and vulnerable. I’ve worked with each of them individually but never together like this, and their focus has never been so intense on me. My energy sang in its’ happiness to be present with nature as it was, yet my logical side felt incredibly small and weak to the presence of their consuming strength. Especially naked as I was, where clothes might have given an imaginary barrier of protection. I could feel the sweat start to gather on the back of my neck, and my palms started to clam as my heart rate picked up.

A shaky breath left my chapped lips; I ran my tongue along them to wet them before continuing to wait to be finished as soon as possible.

I reached for the chicken bones from today’s dinner and placed them around the black candle.

“I call forth, The Dark, please help me cut the chains which were placed upon me.”

The black candle lit itself ominously, with no other action to alert itself, which was creepy. It was as if it had been here all along, waiting and watching. I knew that The Order was always watching, but to see it so blatantly was as unnerving as it was comforting. I was uneasy at the thought that it was always watching regardless of what I did, but it was also comforting that I wouldn’t be truly alone.

I swallowed harshly, and my shaking hands grabbed the tiny bowl and knife and placed them right in front of me. I was going into the unknown here. The ritual only described the chains being devolved with the acceptance of the offered blood, not exactly what that meant or how that felt. The rest of the ritual was working as intended, but how would I know this part would go just as smoothly?

Steeling myself, I forced the blade’s sharp end delicately on my wrist, making sure to slit it horizontally to make sure I didn’t knick anything too important in my adrenaline-numbed state.

Watching the blood swell and spill out of the cut was mesmerizing, and the knife was so sharp that the cut didn’t hurt at all, or at least I think it was because of the knife’s sharpness and not the adrenaline. I turned my wrist slightly so that the blood could start falling into the bowl.

“May my tainted blood return clean.”