Chapter 25

It was hard to pass the house’s threshold for the first time since the afternoon it all happened. Even with Silas flush against my back, giving me all the strength he could. I knew I had to do this; I was already halfway through the summer break, and it needed to be done before returning to school. For the last two weeks, Silas has been trying to amp me up to go back here and last night I felt strong enough to finally face it. So, today was a good day as any, but it felt like there was a barrier that kept me out despite the clear air.

Silas snaked an arm around my midsection as if he was trying to keep me together, and I wasn’t ashamed to admit to myself that he was keeping me together. That arm was a physical representation of what he was doing for me mentally long before this moment.

“Take your time, Mara. Match my breathing.” He said in my ear. I swallowed past the lump in my throat as I tried to focus on his breathing instead of the erratic beating of my heart in my ears.

I took a deep breath as he did, letting it out only once he let go. The deepness and slowness of his breathing reminded me of breathing into a latex balloon—the kind Nick would bring with him when visiting me during the summer to celebrate my birthday.

Silas’ arm tightened as he pinched my side, causing my thoughts to hyper-focus on his presence as a yelp crossed my lips.

“Keep your thoughts on me.” He growled in my ear, my hair moving, tickling my ear from the puffs of his hot breath.

“Yes, Daddy.” I whimpered out.

“Good girl.” He growled again. “Now let all the air you have in your lungs out.”

I breathed out until my lungs completely deflated. I made a motion to let in air, but he pinched me again.

“Hold it until I tell you.”

Stopping the motion, I followed his instructions, letting my lungs burn from the lack of air and squirming when the need for breath became too much.

“Good girl.” He said. “Now, breathe in.”

I gasped in a breath.

“Don’t stop filling those lungs until you can’t add any more air, then hold it.”

I did as I was told, focusing entirely on the breath in my lungs and Silas’ voice.

“You’re doing so well, baby girl.” He cooed, stroking my side as I squirmed at the uncomfortableness.

“Let it go.” His voice was smooth as butter as I let the breath go.

I was starting to feel floaty, almost as if nothing else mattered outside of Silas and his commands. It was dangerous how fast he could send me into subspace. He had especially gotten good at it when he kissed me; he always took my breath, mind, and heart when he did.

“That’s better. You were such a good girl for Daddy.” He purred, rubbing his face on my bonding gland and giving it a lick. I whimpered, giving him more access. He rewarded me with a harsh suck, making the mark that was already there darker. My knees were about to buckle if he didn’t stop, but I kind of hoped he didn’t.

“Are you ready to go inside?”

I gave a slow nod. I was ready to do anything he wanted.

“Come on, love. Let’s get this started. You can sit down while I bring things to you,” he said, picking me up, which was a good move on his part because I wasn’t sure if my legs were functioning at the moment.

He sat me gently on the couch, handing me a piece of chocolate he must have stashed in his pocket before leaving his house. The action warmed my heart. He always seemed to give me a piece of chocolate, especially when he saw me frown or get upset. Apparently, chocolate could bring forth happiness chemicals, and Silas swore by that philosophy. I think there might be some truth to it, but I think he had a sweet tooth and was trying to share some of his joy with me. So regardless of how it worked, because Silas gave it to me, it made me happy.

The sweetness and smoothness of the milk chocolate tasted better than anything I’ve ever tasted, and my omega was purring as my thoughts continued to navigate the fog Silas caused.

When it did clear somewhat, I noticed the carpet that used to be in the living room was completely gone. It must be because it was a biohazard with all the blood and the two dead bodies. I took a bite of chocolate before I realized I did, the sugar jolting me from my memories, and I gave the unsuspecting Silas a small smile. He was looking for garbage bags in the kitchen with his back to me. When he turned around and saw my smile, he shot me a questioning look, but I just shook my head, not willing to bring myself down that spiral again. Not here.

Even though I wasn’t all the way there for a while, flying in the high Silas gave me, we got through the majority of the living room items and the entirety of the kitchen. Silas brought me items, and I would tell him which pile it belonged in. There wasn’t a single thing in the keep pile, so far everything has been either toss or sell. I didn’t think I wanted anything in this house. Not even most of my things. I always kept what was important to me in my bag, and I would take it with me to school. Everything else was unnecessary or disposable.

Especially everything that might have had some value was tainted with the thought of my sperm donor. Most of the items here came from his dime or were something he wanted, and I would rather eliminate him altogether than keep an unintentional memento of him.

With the first floor mostly done, we were almost actually done with the house overall. There was no basement or attic. Only the second floor was left which had a bathroom, my room, and my parent’s room.

“Did you want anything in your room?” Silas asked as he carried me bridal style up the stairs.

“No. I have everything I need or want at your house.” I said, my voice sounded small even to me.

Silas just nodded, before turning to the door that led to my parent’s room. I could feel my stomach dropping as if my sperm donor was still alive and waiting for me to open that door. I gripped the back of Silas’ neck tighter and fisted my shirt in anticipation.

“Hey,” Silas said, running his nose on my cheek. “Hey, look at me.”

His face softened when my eyes met his. “You don’t have to go in there if you don’t want to. We can always just dump everything in there so you don’t even need to see anything.”

I would be a liar if I said I didn’t think about it. I shook my head. “I want to get this over with.”

He gave my forehead a kiss and rubbed his cheek on the top of my head. “We’ll make it as slow or as quick as you need.”

I loved him.

We may have been going out for half a second, but I knew, in this moment, that I loved him. He had singlehandedly been there for me more than any person had ever been. Maybe my omega had it right when it imprinted so heavily in him so quickly.

I didn’t know if he ever would love me or even like me past my omega because I would be naive to think that he liked me past the scent he could now smell. I didn’t know if he would stay a good alpha, but in this moment and the moments leading up to this one, he had been a dream. He was the mirage I had always seen in the distance that I would fight the desert sands to reach but always slipped through my fingers. He was better than that mirage, in fact. That mirage was always filled with kind words, warm smiles, and even warmer hugs. It was filled with public exclaimations of affection, of companionship. He gave me more than just those things, he gave me the promise of forever. Not even my own mother could give me that, with the threat of her husband clouding us.

Before Silas, I never even let my dreams fill with promises of forever. But here he was, holding me tightly to him as we faced together the demons of my lineage. He made living less of a goal and something equivilant to a gift.

While Nick made me want to wake up in the morning because any moment asleep was a moment stolen from us. Silas made me want to wake up because the dreams where he starred in paled in comparison. I didn’t know what would have happened if his mom hadn’t seen me in the hospital that day and offered me a place to stay. I genuinely don’t think I would have survived the week.

As we entered the room, the bed was still messy, as if Mom hadn’t had time to neat the sheets yet. The air smelled old from the lack of airflow, but her raspberry scent made me instantly tear up. I didn’t realize how much I missed her until right now. I didn’t even want to tuck my head in Silas’ comforting embrace because it would block out the last of her scent.

“Do you want to sit on the bed?” His voice was so soft, as if he didn’t want to break the silence.

I nodded, unable to speak. Silas even placed me on the side that radiated her scent the most making the tears threatening to spill fall.

He sat in front of me, his legs perched off the side of the bed and he pulled me into a tight side hug, resting his cheek against the top of my head.