Chapter 35

It was strange, how quickly everything could change, even though nothing really looked different. Xavier and I had done this a thousand times before—sitting together, his knee brushing against mine, watching something on TV that neither of us cared about. But now, every little touch felt charged with meaning, every glance full of something new.

I shifted on the couch, glancing at him. His attention was on the screen, but I knew better. He was just as aware of this new reality as I was. The tension between us wasn’t awkward—just… different. Like we were waiting for the other to make the next move.

Xavier’s leg pressed against mine, a casual touch that should have felt familiar. But it wasn’t. Not anymore. My hand itched to reach out and take his, like I was allowed to now, but I hesitated. It was funny, really—after everything, I still didn’t know how to just… be his boyfriend. We’d crossed the line, but it was like we were still figuring out how to live on the other side of it.

I swallowed, my fingers twitching at my side. “It’s weird, isn’t it?” I said, breaking the silence.

Xavier looked at me, his expression as calm as ever, though there was a flicker of something softer in his eyes. “What is?”

“This.” I waved a hand between us. “Being… together. Like, as boyfriends.”

A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “Yeah. I guess it’s a little weird.”

“We’ve been friends for so long,” I continued, shifting slightly. “And now… I don’t know. It feels like everything should be different, but it’s not.”

Xavier leaned back against the couch, his hand resting casually on his knee, close to mine. “It doesn’t have to be complicated, Gid. We’re still us. Just… more.”

More. That was a good way to put it. Nothing had changed, but everything had. There was more between us now—more touches, more meaning, more… intimacy. I could feel it in the way his leg pressed against mine, the way his hand hovered close enough to touch but didn’t. It was like we were both waiting, unsure of how to navigate this new terrain.

I took a deep breath, and before I could second-guess myself, I reached over and slid my fingers into his. It was easy—natural. But it still made my heart race, like I was doing something I shouldn’t be, even though I knew I could.

Xavier’s hand squeezed mine, his thumb brushing over the back of it. “You don’t have to overthink it,” he said softly, his voice steady. “We’ve been through enough together. This is just… another step.”

“I know,” I replied, but there was a tightness in my chest. “It’s just… I don’t want to mess it up.”

Xavier frowned, his brow furrowing slightly. “You won’t.”

“How do you know that?” I asked, my voice a little rougher than I intended. “We’ve been best friends for years, but being in a relationship? That’s different. What if… what if it doesn’t work?”

He paused, looking at me with that calm intensity I’d always admired. “Gideon, we’re going to figure this out. Together. We’re already doing it.”

I wanted to believe him, but the fear lingered. I wasn’t just worried about us—I was worried about what this would mean for everything else in my life. My parents, for one. They didn’t know about us, and I had no idea how they’d react when they found out. And then there was Xavier’s family, who had never supported him, never been there for him.

“Do you ever… think about the future?” I asked, my voice quiet again. “About… what this means for us?”

Xavier looked at me, his expression thoughtful, before he nodded. “I do. But I’m not afraid of it.”

I blinked at him, surprised. “You’re not?”

He shook his head, his grip on my hand tightening just a little. “No. I mean, I don’t know what’s going to happen. But I know I want to be with you. That’s enough for me.”

There was a simplicity to his words that settled something inside me. Maybe I didn’t need all the answers right now. Maybe just knowing that we were in this together was enough. But the fear still lingered—fear of what would happen if my parents didn’t accept us, if this didn’t work out. Fear of losing something so new, so important.

“You’re not afraid of… losing this?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

Xavier’s eyes softened, and he shifted closer to me, his other hand reaching up to brush a strand of hair from my face. “Of course I’m afraid. But fear doesn’t change what I want.”

The sincerity in his voice hit me harder than I expected. He was right—we were both afraid. But that didn’t make this any less real. It didn’t make me want this any less.

“We’ll figure it out,” I said, echoing his earlier words.

Xavier smiled, leaning in just enough that his forehead rested against mine. “Yeah. We will.”

I let out a breath, closing my eyes for a moment as I soaked in the quiet intimacy between us. This was new, but it was good. And even though the future felt uncertain, I knew we’d face it together.

We weren’t just best friends anymore. We were something more. And that was enough for now.